Unspoken dreams and Unknown Eulogy

In a city where people couldn't wait few seconds before the signal turns green, Its only understandable that the body hanging from the tree, on the side of the road hardly got any attention. In the silent hours of today, an Indian worker in his twenties hanged himself  for unknown reason(s), I was told by my friend. Feelings are intangible but I could touch the sadness of death.For all we know this could be anyone related to us. Money? love? health? or sheer helplessness? Should I say, why the hell ?  or rest in heaven ? Unspoken nightmares? or failed dreams ?

I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about jumping from high floor or slashing my own wrist at times. Believe me the luck I had in last several months can turn a good man bad. I was literally few events away  from turning bitter. But one good thing is that I always vocalised my problems.  I let them out, sometimes here, sometimes to my friends and mostly to my dear diary.

During my worst times, I only pray for two things. One that I find the courage to handle it, and two to make myself useful to someone around. So it can give me a sense of purpose to carry on. What put me down in the last few months is that, not only I couldn't do charity , but I was depending on charity from people I know. It kills me to walk away from the blind man who sings at the train station without dropping a coin or two. I still donate some but not to my hearts content. Last month I picked up a shampoo bottle someone left near the lift, so people like me can use.  As gaga said " I am going to be star, you know why, I have nothing to lose"

I always end my posts with hint of positivity and hope, because I believe that the more you celebrate life, there is more to celebrate, but on this particularly low black Monday I want to throw a punch in the air and accept that life isn't fair at times. Flowers would be picked , people would still eat and life would go on. Who would remember the guy who oscillated his last breath on the park tree ? Thankfully my friend Willy did. Not only he went back to the place in the evening to show respect, he also put a god's picture and flowers for the unknown soul. Its only unfair that the Indian guy didn't get to meet my friend Willy yesterday.