Unspoken dreams and Unknown Eulogy

In a city where people couldn't wait few seconds before the signal turns green, Its only understandable that the body hanging from the tree, on the side of the road hardly got any attention. In the silent hours of today, an Indian worker in his twenties hanged himself  for unknown reason(s), I was told by my friend. Feelings are intangible but I could touch the sadness of death.For all we know this could be anyone related to us. Money? love? health? or sheer helplessness? Should I say, why the hell ?  or rest in heaven ? Unspoken nightmares? or failed dreams ?

I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about jumping from high floor or slashing my own wrist at times. Believe me the luck I had in last several months can turn a good man bad. I was literally few events away  from turning bitter. But one good thing is that I always vocalised my problems.  I let them out, sometimes here, sometimes to my friends and mostly to my dear diary.

During my worst times, I only pray for two things. One that I find the courage to handle it, and two to make myself useful to someone around. So it can give me a sense of purpose to carry on. What put me down in the last few months is that, not only I couldn't do charity , but I was depending on charity from people I know. It kills me to walk away from the blind man who sings at the train station without dropping a coin or two. I still donate some but not to my hearts content. Last month I picked up a shampoo bottle someone left near the lift, so people like me can use.  As gaga said " I am going to be star, you know why, I have nothing to lose"

I always end my posts with hint of positivity and hope, because I believe that the more you celebrate life, there is more to celebrate, but on this particularly low black Monday I want to throw a punch in the air and accept that life isn't fair at times. Flowers would be picked , people would still eat and life would go on. Who would remember the guy who oscillated his last breath on the park tree ? Thankfully my friend Willy did. Not only he went back to the place in the evening to show respect, he also put a god's picture and flowers for the unknown soul. Its only unfair that the Indian guy didn't get to meet my friend Willy yesterday. 

Comments

Ramesh said…
Sad sad event when something like this happens. Awful to the core.

Sri - Very disturbing post. You are a good soul. God takes care of all good souls as you know.
CYNOSURE said…
@srivats...sometimes its better that somethings are left unspoken...
Lalique said…
best wishes from Turkey

http://laracroft3.skynetblogs.be
http://lunatic.skynetblogs.be
"i would be lying if i hadnt thought of jumping from a high floor or slashing my own wrist" thats so true for many of us! and yet what sets us apart from those who actually do so is the way we handle the situation... and i must say, from personal experience, that a diary really helps! at one time, i used to write reams and reams on particularly bad days.... thankfully that period ended and one fine day, i burnt the entire set of journals.....
and the second thing of course, are friends... those who see u thru thick and thin, and make life live-able! and we must thank god for friends and family like this!
All the very best to you... Things will surely turn for the better soon.
Willy II said…
sri, you had always brighter my life with you life philosophy , i know you will make me move further in the mortal wolrd..
thank you , my GURU

from willy
LIANNA said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
LIANNA said…
Srivats... your post is very beautiful... and i am so proud to have a friend like you ... God Bless you ... lots of love lianna
jehan said…
Sri, i know it's always been said but i have to say it again, "you never fail to amaze us..."

this post is very "human".. i really love it. there are really lots of incidents that shake us to the core, make us think a lot of things that are sometimes more depressing or that make us more hopeful in life..

i've been suffering from post partum depression but my mom keeps on telling me to not lose my faith. that if one doesn't have faith that things will get better, then she/he will not do something about hte present situation.

we can do it Sri... we love you and we really hope to see you/read from you more...
Srivats said…
@ Ramesh

Thanks for the comment and mails.
All better now :)

@Cynosure

I have to disagree, its better
to know, the truth wont hurt bad than the not knowing it

@Lalique
THanks for coming here. I couldnt comment on ur blog,as I dont understand:)

@Anu
Rightly said, Jus a day after my uncle committed suicide too.. Its
bad considering he has two teens to
father


@Willy
haha flattered :)
although I have to learn more from you

@Lianna:)
Great to see you here, more than
glad to be in touch honey :)

@Jehan

Thanks for sharing and making me feel better, YEs as long as we are inthis together we can always come out of it. Wishing you a speedy recovery. I know you are strong women with lovely spirit.For you have inspired many of us to write and to see life in a beautiful way.
And when you see the little bundle of Joy am sure U can kick the depression's butt ;)
RamMmm said…
Poignant and troubling post, maybe because it resonates with us at some point of our times.
laks said…
Recently i came across ur blogs... ur posts has something in it... may be the blunt truth and the real soul... I guess u r a person who lives for passion... not running behind money and victory...
Actually u r living the real life and not just doing show off like many of us...
a great fan of u... all the best
Srivats said…
@ Rammm

Hey... how good to see you again, thanks to the blogsphere :)

I am ok , i just has to let it out you see :)

@Laks

Thanks so much for your words :)
Well i wouldnt say I am running away from money and fame either lol :) Welcome to my silly little world.

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