Someone is watching over me

I don’t feel good.
That’s the very first feeling this morning.

Everything is fine.
Nothing to complain.
No reasons.
I woke up with ten toes and ten fingers
No fever, No cough or heart attack.
I am good. But I don’t feel good.

With giant effort I stand up.
I need some more sleep. ( tsk tsk tsk , actually I need to sleep on time)

I go over the window and see the workers in the nearby construction.
It takes a while to get real.
I realise that I am living on my own - different window, different apartment, different people, and different country! (Oh Pete’s sake, did I take this long to realise that?)
Why am I here? Nothing here even remotely qualifies as my home.
Yet I am living here.

I missed so many things in the last one and half years.
Birthdays, festivals, home food , friends, cousins, temples, beach, Landmark, Sathyam theatre, Spencer plaza, umpteen cable channels, Aquarium, birds, lovely kids in the apartment and.. (Chances of me ending this list is close to zero) I miss all of them, I still do.

I walk to the toilet and wash my face,
Cool water embraced my skin.
It feels so good against my swollen eyes.
I keep washing my face,
Like an automated robot I brush.
More splashing on the face.
Some more , some more..

Am I growing up?
Or is it "growing numb at heart"

Few pushups
Few sit-ups (duh. I do exercise .Any physical action more than required is qualified as one)

Am I independent?
or is it feeling of "lost your own self inside"

Another shave
Another shower
Another check in the mirror (do I still look young and good?)

Am I getting matured?
Or is it living likes "nothing excites me"

I miss the bus, (damm it, every time)
I walk to the train station. (yes some more exercise)

Everytime I walk is think time
No matter what the Ipod blares in my ears
No matter what the traffic is
No matter whether it rains or shines,
Walk time is think time.

Too many questions pops up
What happen to me today?
What I have become?
What happen to dreams I dreamt?
What about the unconditional love?
What happen to hopes of finding fulfilling job?
Where I am going? (Isn’t it suppose to be 6 letter word called "office")

No logical answer interests me.
No one to talk to.

I say a small prayer
I look up to the skies,
May be someone is watching me over.
I fasten my pace,
It’s getting late.

Am I psychotic?
(Given the fact that I write such crazy stuff, may be I am)

I find a comfortable seat in the train

I am on my own world
Ipod blaring
Cooler shielding my swollen eyes
"Paulo Coelho” in hands
May be I am living in parallel Universe. ( may be moron's galaxy)

I felt a touch,
It’s that of an angel.
I saw a smile,
It’s the smile of innocence

The angel in the white frock.
It made sounds pointing tiny finger at me.
I removed the headphone.
Eyes wide open it looked at me with amazement ( may be I resemble something from storybook)
I removed the cooler.
It picked my page marker, turned my book.
It started conversing in heavenly language.
I swear I couldn’t understand anything.
But my soul felt it; it’s the language of souls.
Produced and deciphered only by the hearts.
The train stopped, Angel has to go,
I waved my hand to say bye
(ok I did a crazy facial expression and a funny sound)

It’s the most comforting conversation I had.
I picked up the book, the random page read

"The noblest thing a human being can experience is acceptance of the mystery"


CVR said…
Nice :)
Srivats said…

Thanks for dropping by, post potta vudaney commenta :-) star blogger maari ayitaana ? :P
Red Phoenix said…
Dude, Interestingly u seem to be a close alter ego of myself in your half of the globe... PS - thanks for dropping by... Summa pinnara pa ;)
Preethe said…
Hi Srivats!!
Nice post..
hmmm .. life is getting too mechanical these days..
Pri said…
very beautifully written...introspective yet strangely charming!! :)
Srivats said…
Welcom Red Phoenix

You felt it too right ? :) LOL

Naana pinnarana ?
You write the similar thoughts of mine,but in a much better way !

Your command over english chance ellai pa..
Srivats said…
Welcome Preethe

Very true, we are seeing the best technical revolutions and the itch caused by the changing lifestyle in copin up with that.

Its also true that Human values and feelings are now being given more important than before, as we all feel the need for it

Please keep writing

Srivats said…
Hey Pri,

Thanks for coming :)

Trying my best I guess LOL

Divya said…
Well written Srivats:))

\Am I psychotic?
(Given the fact that I write such crazy stuff, may be I am)\\

Divya said…
BTW thanks a lot for dropping by........for the first time :))

Keep visiting , if time permits:)
Srivats said…
Hey Divya,

Ungey writing chance ellai - supero super :) , I am glad that you visited my blog.

Now I would be inspired to write better as such good writers are visiting ( avvvu.. naan romba nallavan )
Charissism said…
same here. i miss everything back in a foreign country really has its ups and downs and sadly, we do sacrifice the pleasure of being with our loved ones. =(

i guess, we should just look at the brighter side...wherever it is!hahaha
Srivats said…
Welcom Charissim,

True, there is a saying in my language (Tamil ) that guy has got only one address where as the girl has got two address ( because she gets marred and goes to new home )

But these days anyone working abroad is having two addresses :)

//i guess, we should just look at the brighter side...wherever it is!hahaha

Otherwishe switch the damm light on!

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