Nightmares of a beautiful mind

This morning found me in lost and low mood. I had a disturbing nightmare just before I woke up. The experience was powerful and as real as it can be. The only way to get it out of my mind is to write about it, For the stories of losing something/someone are told thousand times to dissipate the intensity and to come to terms with it.

I can see my mom, and my cousin in a familiar neighborhood of India. I don't see my dad or brother but they seem to be somewhere nearby .The house resembles like my grandma’s place. There is some kind of disaster, like flood or something. There is no power, its middle of the day yet its dark and sky is cloudy. Someone is running in the road shouting about the danger of storm or some kind of poison from water. The tar road is broken in many places, and I see swift muddy water flowing through the craters.

I wonder if I can prepare for the worst time, by storing snacks. I run to the store around the corner of the street but its not there. I run further and see a familiar clinic with a big aquarium tank in the entrance. Time is running out, I should do many survival preparations.

I run back to the entrance of my home. I ask my cousin to go to grocery store near the main road to get some biscuits. He is not wearing slippers so I give him mine, and 40 rupees. With crying eyes I tell him to hurry and come back safely. He looks perplexed; I can see the fear in his eyes. My brother is standing by my side and seems to have no clue about the severity of the happening. Then I get some kind of premonition, I am very thin and curled up in a dark room. My family members seem to have passed away or in deep sleep around me. I have lost my vision and crying hard. Then I am back to the same scene where I am standing in the road in front of my cousin telling him to come back safe. And I woke up.

The worst part of the dream is it did not conclude! I don't know what happened. For several minutes I tried to find some logical ending. I mean I know it was just a dream, but the experience wanted a conclusion. I felt guilty of not taking care of my loved ones properly, for sending my cousin to the store when I should have gone. I should have asked everyone to stay inside the house. Perhaps I should have brought candles too.

I pondered on so many “I should have’s” for a while. Then sitting on my bed I imagined a different ending, like we have a boat and get inside with loads of food, the flood rises up so is the boat, I anchor it to safely, everyone is living safely.

Then I tried understanding why I had such a crappy dream. I just finished reading “Life of Pi” it’s about survival of 16 year old in a castaway. Now I am reading “Many lives, many masters” where a patient undergoing hypnosis reveals her past lives, with perfect details like time, name and place. I also took a long stare at the 2012 poster when I went to Cineplex last evening. I was quite satisfied on these reasons. How intricate are the works of a mind!

I opened my eyes and thanked god for keeping me alive and everyone around me. Thanked him that such thing did not happen; thanked him for numerous things in my life. (I also did a small meditation healing self and earth). I always think I have control over what happens in my life, but this dream made me realize how petite my life is in front of the powerful never ending universe.

Have you ever had such a terrible dream? What did you do to make yourself comfortable then?